sex

While I am all for forging your way ahead past spiritual abuse, purity culture and fear-based teachings, I believe so strongly that purity is a gift from God, not a punishment that toxic church culture invented.

It’s easy for humans to throw out the baby with the bath water. Purity culture has undoubtedly caused spiritual and sexual damage to those who grew up under its fearful, controlling grip. But purity itself isn’t bad. It’s beautiful.

If you’re either single and unsure if purity is worth it or married and need a reminder about God’s perfect design, keep reading.

Here are 3 ways on how not to throw out purity with purity culture:

There is a better vision for sexuality that transcends the exploitation of women’s bodies on one hand or the denial of their existence on the other. That alternative was recently on display in a surprising place. Christian pro-life activist Lila Rose appeared on the dating talk podcast Whatever, which boasts over 4 million subscribers on YouTube. She was joined by a colorful assortment of guests, including a self-proclaimed pickup artist and several women who have made careers selling pictures of their bodies online.

Typically, the format of the podcast involves the men shaming the women for their promiscuous behavior, which, of course, the men also engage in. Lila threw both sides for a loop by describing a Christian view of the sexes in which men and women have “equal dignity” and in which sexual relationships are not only about pleasure but also about “procreation and the ability to bring life into the world.” All of this, she added, is designed to occur “within marriage,” “a lifelong, public commitment” to one’s spouse, a commitment which, as she rightly pointed out, social science demonstrates to be the most fulfilling and stable type of sexual relationship.

Most single, never-married Christian men and women are not abstaining from sex, according to a new study from Communio, a national nonprofit organization.

In an age so defined by consumer choice and product reviews, it has become intuitive to embrace the “try before you buy” motto in most areas of life. For some decisions, however, those rules simply do not work. A growing body of research suggests that romantic relationships should not be approached in the same way as buying a new car or choosing a cellphone provider.

On Wednesday, the recently announced Keller Center for Cultural Apologetics at The Gospel Coalition published a book excerpt authored by Pastor Josh Butler. The article described a sacred vision of the physical union of a husband and wife, arguing that not only marriage but that physical intimacy within marriage is a type (or picture) of Christ and the Church. In the process, he used terms and imagery that, without additional context, seemed shockingly graphic. The article set off a Twitter maelstrom.

There is a good reason the Church doesn’t talk about sex to singles very often. The Bible is clear that sex is an act exclusively meant for married people and talking about it too much to singles can cause unnecessary stumbling blocks or discontentment. But the Bible is also clear that sex is a beautiful, God-given gift.

For singles to not talk or think about sex for so long, then eventually get married and immediately be expected to welcome sex as a significant part of their lives, can be very damaging. The Church can easily do more to prepare singles for marriage and even use the topic of God-designed sex to encourage singles, regardless of if they ever marry.

Here are three consequences that I’ve seen from the Church seldom mentioning sex unless it’s in a negative light:

Human sexuality is not some arbitrary construct like a speed limit. It is as much a part of the fabric of life as gravity. We may deny that, but we will not avoid the pain of hitting the ground if we do.

Actress Candace Cameron Bure was recently on the Breakdown podcast with Celebrity Jeopardy host Mayim Bialik. While talking to Bialik, Bure shared that she and her husband still love each other "physically," "spiritually," and "mentally" after 26 years of marriage.

In His kindness, God has called us to the lifelong cultivation of being properly sexual. This is the virtue of chastity, something often mistaken by Christians and non-Christians alike for prudishness. Instead, the call to be properly sexual with one another is a calling for all of us, married and single, to pursue all our lives, before, during, and after marriage.

Christian author and podcast host Sadie Robertson is encouraging couples to wait until marriage before having sex, saying physical intimacy is a gift from God that should be "opened" only as He designed it.