Why don’t more marriages work out? There are so many factors that play a part in the failure of a marriage, but perhaps one of the greatest is not recognizing the signs that you are drifting away from your spouse. Many couples don’t realize they’ve pulled away from one another, or ignore the problem, until it’s too late.
Justin and Trisha Davis have lived through the absolute worst in their marriage, and have made it their ministry to help other couples avoid what they have been through. In their trending blog post, 10 Signs Your Marriage Is Drifting, they share some crucial red flags all couples should watch out for.
Here are 5 of warning signs Trisha and Justin share to look for when your marriage is drifting. See all 10 on their blog, here.
- The time you have together in the evening is spent watching TV
- You feel more excited to see someone at work than you do your spouse
- You don’t hold hands spontaneously or kiss each other any more
- There is no spiritual aspect to your relationship
- You don’t laugh or joke around any more.
See more from their post here.
Do any of these warning signs seem familiar in your marriage? If so, don’t lose hope! Here are a few tips for coming back together after experiencing marriage drift.
1. Risk being vulnerable.
According to 7 Secrets of a Supernatural Marriage authors Dr. Dan and Linda Wilson, you should "share the deepest of your inner thoughts with the one you love. Allow your mate to know you as you really are. Remove the masks. Break down the facades. Simply be yourself. It is exhausting to pretend to be someone other than who you truly are."
According to Crosswalk contributor Brent Rinehart, initiating time together is crucial for couples to connect. “Remember the courtship? Make an effort to woo your spouse all over again,” Brent writes. “So many marriages fall apart because people just stop trying.”
3. Stop living separate agendas.
“It’s okay to have separate identities,” Ron Edmonson writes. “Even encouraged. It’s okay to have separate interests. It keeps things interesting. But it’s not okay to have separate agendas. The agenda should be two very different people blending those differences into one. When that’s not happening, the strength of the marriage will slowly—or quickly—fade.”
The importance of prayer can’t be overstated. iBelieve writer Jennifer O. White shares this prayer that couple can pray when their marriages are hurting:
God, You see the emptiness in my heart and You know all the reasons why I don’t feel love for ____ today. I said “I do,” but today I really feel like I just can’t anymore.
Help me to experience Your love for me, God. Help me not to compare Your love with the imperfect love I’ve received from people. Fill my empty and desolate heart with the truth about who You are to me and how much You love me.
Forgive me for expecting ____ to love me perfectly. I choose to forgive ____ for __________, _________ and ___________.
Help me to receive Jesus’ selfless love and model it in this marriage.
Kelly Givens is the editor of iBelieve.com.