For a growing segment of our population, even saying the phrase “Father's Day” brings up bad feelings and memories. For some, the phrase even opens up physical and mental wounds.
Author and speaker Bob Reccord is on a personal mission this Father's Day to help people heal from these wounds.
Reccord spent the better part of 2019 researching and writing on the topic of “father wounds” for his new book, Ending the Cycle of Father Wounds.
Reccord, who is a sought-after speaker and former North American Mission Board President, is clear that dealing with father wounds is something that he has had to do in his own life.
"My mother passed away when I was 11 months old leaving me and my three brothers with an alcoholic father who gave us up for adoption.”
“You would think that would have been a good thing,” he continued. “But my adopted dad carried father wounds from his father, too."
Reccord is clear that having a father wound isn't always something that is visible. "What you see on the outside oftentimes masks what's on the inside of someone.”
Many who are experiencing the wounds of the father may not even know it. When asked how someone can know if they do have a father wound, Reccord shares that the wounds often present themselves as internal conflicts.
In his book, Reccord encourages his readers to take a father wounds examination to find out what they are dealing with.
Reccord is sure to note, however, that while the examination is a great resource, it is not a replacement for counseling.
When asked about how one would get a “father wound” Reccord shared the top three reasons:
1) Having a father that is or was emotionally unavailable, 2) never being told you are loved by your father, and 3) having a father who is or was only involved in your life when it benefited him.
Reccord believes that with prayer, counseling and self-awareness, people who have father wounds can recover from them.
One of the most common questions that Reccord is asked from people suffering from father wounds, is how they can end the cycle with their own children.
Reccord believes there are easy steps that parents can take to figure out if they are passing down wounds. First, Reccord suggests simply asking your kid(s). Then, he suggests counseling.
Although Reccord’s new book is steeped with advice from counseling experts, he's clear that individual counseling should be considered. Above all, a person must decide if they will end the cycle of father wounds for their family lineage. Reccord assures it can be done if the person has the faith that healing is possible and the courage to do the hard work.
Watch the full video interview here.
Photo courtesy: Maina Mwaura